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Home » 2015 » April » 6 » Real Women Want Sex, Not Chocolate. {An Open Letter To All Men}
Real Women Want Sex, Not Chocolate. {An Open Letter To All Men}
Posted by Phoebe Smarton July 13, 2014 in Conscious Sexuality
Phoebe Smart The Author
About Me
I believe that improving our sexual and intimate relationships is key to a healthy happy life and we can achieve this through exploration and acceptance of our selves. I therefore want to bring to you techniques and ideas on experiencing orgasmic pleasure and exploring the depths of your own sexuality.
My dear men out there,
I want to tell you something. Something that you probably know in your subconscious but may be rejecting it as a reality cos it breaks all the ‘rules’.
Women want sex. And they want a lot of it. They may even want it more than you do!
Their bodies are brewing a small fire deep inside them and that flame is waiting for more fuel. It’s longing for logs on the fire, big thick logs that can burn for hours; ones that grow flames so large that you look-on in awe of the wildness and vigour of its burning light.
They want you to tease them with your touch until they explode in your mouth.
They want you to touch them gently all over their bodies, their neck, shoulders, thighs, calves – every part of our flesh is sensitive and sensual. Touch it.
Give our flesh some attention and our bodies will vibrate with hot, burning sexual desire. You don’t just have to pinch a nipple or rub a clitoris to get us hot, we are already hot inside;
We need you to add to our fire, not to light it.
Imagine a pit of fire that is burning up its contents. If you want it to grow you must add more wood. It may take time; sometimes you add a log and it takes time for it to really catch alight. Other times it fires up and burns everything in haste, but you can never tell just how the fire will burn, that’s part of its magic and allure; it is always changing and moving and you must move with it.
Like the “Eternal Flame” that the Bangles sing of, women are able to orgasm again and again and again…. and again.

Francisco De Goya

There is a myth that men have a more ravenous sex drive than women and that they ‘need’ and ‘want’ sex more than women. Ask a woman in her 30s how much she loves and wants sex and your jaw will drop from their lust for lust.

That’s if she answers, but she’s most likely not going to answer, truthfully anyway.

She may not even know the answer.

This is one reason why you don’t know that we are in love with sex a trillion times more than chocolate.

We don’t always tell you. Why don’t we tell you? Well that’s a big BIG picture reason.

It’s cultural, it’s about expectations and gender and centuries of repression and condemnation for our sexuality.

Just think of the word “slut” for example. You know where I’m going with this one – a man who acts upon his sexual desires is being a ‘man’ and a woman who does the same is being a ‘slut’.

The association of sexual desire with masculinity and not with both genders is very destructive.

It places unrealistic expectations onto men and harsh judgement onto women. And, it’s just plain wrong.


I’ve had a few boyfriends who’s interest in having sex was half that of my own.

Their lust for porn, for women’s bodies and for associating sex with prowess, power and even a sense of aggression was stronger than their ‘need’ for having sex.

When it came to actually having sex they just weren’t as feisty, they didn’t have as much stamina as I, and there were many times where they just wanted to spoon and sleep without sex. I’ve heard of this same dynamic being played out in my friends experiences too.

The thing is I’ve also had boyfriends/lovers who have a seemingly unquenchable thirst for sex and pussy. The variation of men’s sexual desire and appetite is huge; you guys are not all ravenous, hungry humans with an available hard-on, you’re not always up for it.

Some women are much more hungry than you are and some are less, but the point is you can’t distinguish a person’s sexual appetite from their gender. If you can then we have been living a myth, a lie – a big fat 1 minute lie.


Now let’s go back to the start of this article where I mention our (women’s) love of sex.

If we don’t want to have sex with you that doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t want to have sex. There are many reasons why we might not want to have sex with you.

We have a tonne of discretion when it comes to choosing sexual partners – the risk of danger is much greater for us than it is for you.

Of course we always have to factor in the possibility of violence, it is always in the back of our minds when we go home together with a man and there is no one else around. Then there is pregnancy; who you share your DNA with is risky business.

Then there’s that big BIG picture hurdle that I mentioned before – the judgement that is made of our sexual expression has caused a great deal of repression. That judgement is potent, it is embedded in our cultural values and we judge ourselves as well as being judged from the outside.

Once we start to change our perspective on the relationship between sexual desire and gender, our sexual practices and expectations on men and women will change.

We must remember and respect the complexity of our humanness when it comes to sexual desire.

Author: Phoebe Smart (Read biography in author box) / Art: Francisco De Goya
Views: 467 | Added by: forester | Rating: 0.0/0
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